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Breakfast for Dinner: Scattered and Chunked Hash with an Egg

By rcoomber
August 29, 2012 //
2

“You’ve never been to a Waffle House?” Wif asked, in the tone of disbelief she reserves for when she discovers that my New Jersey upbringing never exposed me to wonders only found in the Southern United States. Other such wonders include distilleries in barns and rampant illiteracy.

“No. I mean, maybe on a trip to Hilton Head or something, but I don’t remember.”

“Oh my God, they have, like, six different kinds of hash. Scattered, smothered, uh, covered…”

“Ok, I don’t really care. It only matters what we’re doing right…”

“Oh, and chunked! Chunked is when they add ham. Scattered is when they spread it out over the grill and get it extra brown, I think.”

“Again, I don’t really care ’cause I know how to make hash whether Waffle House has a name for it or not.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Nope.”

Despite being no fun, I can make good hash.

For the Hash:

  • 8 medium red potatoes (about two per person) sliced in the food processor with the grater disk
  • 1 medium onion processed with the grater disk
  • 1/4 pound sliced country ham, or whatever ham you have available
  • 1 poblano pepper; heat directly on the burner to blacken the skin; let cool, and remove the skin
  • A solid handful of herbs, diced at the last minute (whatever you’re in the mood for — we used a combination of rosemary, oregano, chives, and marjoram)
  • 3 tblsps of neutral oil (peanut, canola, or vegetable)
  • Plenty of Salt and pepper to taste

Heat griddle or pan to medium-high. Add oil. Saute potatoes, ham, and onions. Let brown and stir every 5 minutes or so, making sure to let the potatoes brown (i.e. don’t touch them every two seconds; be patient and wait a full 5 minutes or longer, depending on desired browness). When about 75% of the hash is browned, you’re probably done. Dice the herbs and throw them in at the last minute.

For the Ketchup:

  • 1 lb. tomatoes, diced
  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 1 clove of garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
  • 5 little thai chilis, diced
  • 2 tbsps neutral oil (peanut, canola, or vegetable)
  • Lots of salt and pepper to taste

Heat pan. Add oil. Saute onion on medium heat till translucent (about3-5 minutes). Add the diced garlic and cook for another 30 seconds. Add the rest of the ingredients and let simmer on low for half an hour or so. Put everything in a blender or food processor and puree. If it’s thick enough, you’re good.  If not, cook it some more.

For the Eggs:

  • 1-2 eggs per person
  • 1 cup of white wine vinegar
  • A little salt to taste
  • Chives or other herb to decorate the top of the egg

Fill a pot with water, and add a cup or so of white vinegar. Bring to a boil, and reduce to a simmer. Add eggs (but not more than 3-4 at once because it will get the water too cold) and simmer for about 3 minutes for a medium egg and 4 minutes for a large egg if you want the yolks runny (and why wouldn’t you?).

Altogether:

Suck it, Waffle House. My hash is pretty.

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Categories Recipes, Uncategorized

Suckling Pig Roast Deux

By rcoomber
August 2, 2012 //
0

Last year Wif and I headed to my parents’ Catskill Mountains house in Andes, NY.  It was documented in excruciating detail in six posts: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, and Part VI. We bought a 19 pound suckling pig, and roasted it on a spit. Results were mixed, and the cooking was harrowing.

This year we decided to roast another, smaller suckling pig — just 12.5 pounds.  To make things simpler, we eliminated the spit and decided to use a simple camping grill I found on Amazon for $20.

With the theme of keeping things simple, I didn’t brine the pig either.  I just liberally salted it inside and out.  Then I stuffed the body cavity with lemons and herbs, and added a loaf of bread to hold the aromatics in.

We started the fire an hour before we put the pig on, using a mix of wood and coal to control the heat and the flames.

In a brilliant stroke, one of my friends suggested we move the pit to the front yard, with the spectacular views, instead of the swampy backyard.

Good call.  It was a lot more pleasant to have it out front.

To make sure the pig wouldn’t stick to the grill, we wiped a vegetable oil soaked rag over the grill, let the oil burn off for a few seconds, and repeated that twice more.  It makes just about any grill non-stick (thanks America’s Test Kitchen!).  The fire was hot at first, so we got a nice sear after just 20 minutes or so.

We kinda got fearful then, so we cooled it down some.  So we ended up cooking it thoroughly, but not to the point of lovely meltiness that I was looking for.  There’s always next year.

It was gorgeous.

All butchered up, we had plenty of food for the nine adults and five little people, along with a side of potato salad, asparagus, other veggies, and so, so much beer.

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Categories Recipes

Another Way to Say “Embarassed”

By rcoomber
June 6, 2012 //
2

Most mornings, Bubus takes down a tw0-egg spinach omelette.  It’s one of the few ways we can trick him into eating vegetables.  Most of the time, he puts it in his mouth.  Oftentimes, he’ll feed the dog.  But when he’s not that hungry, he’ll rub it about his face.

Or he’ll drop some on the dog.

I propose that “egg on your back” becomes a new expression that means “really embarrassed because you were outsmarted by a baby.”

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Categories Parenting

Bouillabaisse

By rcoomber
April 19, 2012 //
1

Bouillabaisse is one of those amazing recipes with humble origins.  Fishermen in France would put together whatever they had in a pot, and then serve it.  However, if you don’t happen to be a French fisherman who lives by the sea, you are less likely to have the ingredients readily available to make a spectacular bouillabaisse.  You’ll have to spend some time, and some money, putting it together.  It has four main components:  stock, rouille, croutons, and a variety of fishes.

Bouillabaisses Broth (i.e. Fish Stock, since this is made with bones, so it’s really stock, not broth)

All great bouillabaisses start with a great fish stock.  For great fish stock, you need to start with a fish carcass.  And yes, that includes the head.

Making stock is annoying — especially draining the liquid from the solids.  That’s why it’d be so much better to be a French fisherman, who probably has some sort of cauldron with a wood fire underneath and is a constant source of fresh stock.

Not a stock photo. This is actually what I used for the fish stock. Also didn't mean to make a pun with "stock photo."

I left the stock in the fridge overnight and heated it up the next day.  The fish bones and head made the mixture very gelatinous, which was pretty cool, or creepy, depending on your perspective.

Gelatinous means more flavours

  • 2 lbs of fish carcass (I asked my fishmonger, and he gave me a lovely red snapper, head on)
  • Lobster shells, if available
  • Shrimp shells, if available
  • 2 celery stems
  • 3 cups of fronds (the leafy top of fennel that looks kinda like dill)
  • Sprigs of thyme (plus some extra for when you put the soup together)
  • Parsley Stems (save the leaves for when you put the soup together)
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • 3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
  • 6 cups of water (or enough to cover your solid stock items)
  • 2 cups of white wine
Note — the ingredients for your stock can, and should, adjust according to what’s available and looks delicious.  Above is merely what we used.

Heat a stock pot.  Add olive oil.  Throw in all the ingredients.  Let the ingredients saute for a minute, and stir.  You don’t want anything to burn.  After 7-10 minutes, stirring every minute or so, add your wine and water.  Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer.  Let simmer for a half hour.  Separate the liquids from the solids.

Rouille

Rouille is a weird addition to boillabaisse.  Luckily it’s not that hard to make.  Just combine:

  • a cup or so of bread crumbs with
  • a chopped red pepper,
  • a clove of garlic,
  • 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and
  • enough fish stock to blend it smooth.
  • Add salt and pepper to taste.

Put ingredients in a blender, and add fish stock till the mixture has the consistency of cake frosting.

Croutons

Croutons are pretty easy also, and pretty damned delicious.

  • 20-30 slices of bread, about 1 1/2 inches thick
  • 3 tablespoons of olive oil
  • 3 cloves of garlic

Rub about 20 slices of bread with sliced garlic.  Add a little olive oil to each slice, and season them with some salt and pepper.

Place the slice in a 350 degree oven for 5-10 minutes, and flip them when they start to brown.  When they brown on the other side, they’re done.

Fishes et al.

  • Fish Stock (see above)
  • Croutons (see above)
  • Rouille (see above)
  • 2 dozen littleneck clams
  • 1 1/2 pounds of mussels
  • 2 pounds of white fish (we used cod), cut in 1 inch chunks
  • Juice from one orange
  • Zest from one orange
  • Juice from one medium lemon
  • Zest from one lemon
  • 1/2 pound of tomatoes, chopped
  • 1 1/2 pounds of medium shrimp, shelled and cleaned
  • 1/2 cup of parsley leaves, chopped at the last second
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  • The leaves from a few sprigs of thyme, chopped at the last second
Note again, the fish and herbs you add to the soup is completely subject to what looks good at the market that day.  Ask your fish monger what’s good.

Heat enough stock to fill 8-10 bowls of soup about halfway.  Bring to a simmer.  Add the tomatoes, orange juice, orange zest, lemon juice, and lemon zest.  Add the white fish and cook for 4 minutes.  Add the rest of the fish till the mussels and clams open.  Discard unopened clams and mussels.  Test for salt and pepper.  Adjust accordingly.  Add the soup with the fish et al. to a bowl.

Add the Rouille in the middle of each bowl, and provide the leftover on the side.  Place a couple of the croutons on the side of the bowl.

Serves 8-10.

Enjoy!

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Categories Recipes, Uncategorized

Panzanella (Something To Do with Old Bread)

By rcoomber
August 11, 2011 //
0

Do you have a loaf of bread that went a little stale?  Do you have some veggies, herbs, and salad dressing?  Then make some panzanella.  It is quick, easy, filling, and delicious.  Plus it uses something you might otherwise throw out.

What’s with all the Italian food postings lately, you might ask?  Well, I am 1/4 Italian, and that question is a little racist.  Just sayin’.

First, assemble the ingredients in a bowl.

Ingredients can include the following, or whatever you have on hand (basically you need three components — Bread, Veggies, and Dressing):

  • 2/3′s of a loaf of bread cut up into 1 inch squares (cut it the long way first, it makes it quicker) and it’s ok if it’s a little stale.  In fact, that’s probably why you’re making this recipe.
  • 1/2 a red onion, chopped
  • 1 tomato, chopped
  • Several banana peppers, chopped
  • 1 clove of garlic, diced finely
  • A handful of herbs, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of salad dressing, preferably a vinaigrette
  • Salt and pepper to taste
Once you’ve placed these ingredients in a bowl, mix these ingredients.

Once the ingredients are mixed, let the mixture sit for a while (maybe 20 minutes) so the dressing is absorbed by the bread.  Taste for seasoning, and adjust salt and pepper as necessary.

In the final step, you will eat and enjoy the food.  It’s really that simple.

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Categories Sustenance, Uncategorized

Classic Spaghetti and Meatballs

By rcoomber
August 10, 2011 //
5

I love meat balls.  I really, really do.  Wif does not.  I grew up eating spaghetti (really any pasta) and meatballs with my Mom’s marinara sauce twice, something three times a week.  If I still could, I would, but Wif likes more variety and fewer carbs than I.  Plus she just does not like meatballs.  So I have to sneak in some balls when I can.  Yup.  I read over that sentence.  Nope, I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Let’s start with a brief discussion concerning the meat for the balls.  Classic Italian meatballs are made with equal parts beef, veal, and pork.  I say “equal parts” like I know what the butcher is giving me, but I assume they’re about equal.  You can make meatballs with just beef (like my mom does), or a combination of pork and bacon, or lamb, or whatever meat you have on hand.  Meatballs are a way of using up extra meat, so don’t be afraid to experiment.

As to the bread — I like to use a lot.  I find it gives the balls wonderful texture.  Yup, I know how that reads too.  The extra bread also makes them more absorbent for when you stick your balls in the sauce . . . to finish cooking.  Ahem.  On to sauce.

This is a double recipe of tomato sauce, so you probably won’t have this much.

Note that you should cook your sauce before you start cooking your balls so that the balls can finish cooking in the sauce.  Conveniently, a great tomato sauce only takes 5 minutes to prep and 20 minutes to cook.

You’ll need the following ingredients:

  • 1 28 ounce can of tomatoes (I like diced, but you can use whole and crush them, or crushed.  I don’t like pureed because they have no texture)
  • 4 cloves of garlic, whole but smashed, to remove their skin and break them up a little
  • 1 bunch of basil (if you’re counting, maybe 30 leaves)
  • 3 tablespoons of olive oil
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Note well, this will produce enough sauce to dress your pasta, but probably won’t be enough if you want extra sauce on top (Italian-Italians are shuddering as I write that).  So double the recipe if you want plenty for putting on top.  You can use the extra for pizza or something.

Heat a sauce pan on medium high.  Add the olive oil after the pan is heated.  Tilt the pan and add the garlic whole.  Once the garlic starts to brown, untilt the pan and add the tomatoes.  Add 1/4 of the basil, chopped.  You’re adding some basil now to let it get the “cooked” basil flavor.  You’ll throw the rest in at the end to get the “fresh” basil flavor.  It makes the sauce multi-dimensional.  Let the sauce cook for 20 minutes or so at a simmer (low).  Add salt and pepper to taste.  As the sauce is cooking, ready the meatballs.

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound of ground meat (preferably beef, pork, and veal)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
  • 3 cloves of garlic, diced
  • 1 bunch of basil (maybe 20 leaves, if you’re counting) chopped
  • 1 egg
  • 1 cup of bread crumbs (or a couple of slice of white bread, or whatever’s in the fridge) — note I like a lot of bread crumbs because I like the texture and absorbancy they give the balls
  • 1/2 cup of milk
  • Pinch of crushed red pepper
  • 3 tablespoons of olive oil
  • Lots of salt and some pepper to taste

Mix all the ingredients in a large bowl till they’re combined.  Be sure to add plenty of salt.  Add what you think is a little too much, then add some more.  Grab some mixture with your fingers and roll the mixture in your palms till the mixture forms a ball.  If your ball is too small, add meat and roll again.  If it’s too big, remove some meat.  But keep in mind, we’re not going for perfection here.

Again, this is a double recipe, so if you don’t have this quantity of balls, don’t be alarmed.


Next, heat a large frying pan on medium high.  Once it’s hot, add 3 tablespoons of olive oil.  Add balls to the pan, but do not crowd the pan.  You’ll have to cook them in 2-3 shifts depending on pan size, and ball size.  The balls should not touch, though incidental ball touching is inevitable.

Alternatively, heat your oven to 425, preheating a sheet pan with sides so the fat rendered from the balls doesn’t drip into the oven.  No one likes drippy balls.  Remove the heated pan from the oven, and add your balls.  Put them back in the oven and let them cook for 15-20 minutes — until they’re slightly browned.  Take them out of the oven, then add them to the sauce.

If you’re cooking in a pan, let the balls brown.  After 2-5 minutes, turn each ball.  You’ll need to turn each ball two or three times till they’re cooked all over.  They don’t have to be uniformly browned or cooked through.  They will be finished in the sauce.

You might notice that a lot of these are breaking apart. Not a big deal. Just scrape out the remnants, deglaze the pan, wipe it off, make sure you heat the pan this time, and add more oil.

As the balls finish in the pan, throw them in the sauce.  If you have a little leftover wine, deglaze the pan to pick up the tasty brown bits, or “fond” as the Frogs say.  By any name,  it’s delish.  Add it to the sauce.

Cook your pasta according to directions, minus 1-2 minutes for al dente.   Remove the meatballs from the sauce after they’ve cooked for 20 minutes or so, up to an hour or probably more.  What do I care?  They’re your balls.  When the pasta’s done, mix the pasta and sauce together for a minute or two.  Chop and throw in the basil at the last minute, reserving some for garnish.  Serve.

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Categories Sustenance, Uncategorized

Welcome Cannibals!

By rcoomber
August 5, 2011 //
0

I really didn’t expect this, but we have a new readership — eaters of human flesh! Previously our site got misdirected hits from a few people who were searching for two men and a woman doing a collective special cuddle.  Some refer to this as “putting a woman on a spit,” which were the search terms used to find our site.  We can see how people find our site via our internal data.  Spooky!  The group special cuddle that these pervs were searching for is also known as an ”Eiffel tower,” or “finger cuffs.”  I just increased our page views for the day ten fold.  Thanks pervs!  The search for “putting a woman on a spit” turned up our site due to my several posts — Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, and Part VI – about spit roasting a suckling pig.

I have no idea why four people  actually clicked through if they were looking for hot man on man on woman action.  It must have been clear from the title of the posts that the subject matter was not what they were looking for.  Maybe they were hungry and sexually excited?  Maybe they like pigs inappropriately?  Who am I to judge?  Or even ask a series of rhetorical questions?

Which brings us to our latest misdirected reader, who apparently found our site through a search for “how to spit roast human.”

Uh, welcome?  Oddly, I think our site is more appropriate for someone trying to figure out how to spit roast a human than someone looking for the devil’s threesome.  Just as long as the cannibal increases the amount of all the ingredients to account for a full sized human.

Enjoy your soylent green!

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Wouldn’t You Like To Be a Pepper?

By rcoomber
August 2, 2011 //
2

Probably not, since if you were a pepper, you’d be overly moist by now.   This is how Tony now learns about new things.

Sticking this banana pepper in his mouth (which is not hot, btw) was the rare circumstance in which it was appropriate.  However, when he stuck a blanket, a toy monkey, and a shirt in his mouth, he learned nothing he didn’t already know.  I guess the rare win encourages him to keep on trying.  Plus, it’s apparently good for him.

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Categories Sustenance

Making an Awesome BLT

By rcoomber
July 22, 2011 //
2

We’ve played with BLTs on the blog before, but we’ve never done a classic (almost) BLT.

There are 5 components to a BLT:  1. tomatoes; 2. bacon; 3. mayonnaise; 4. Lettuce; and 5. bread.  The first three are the keys to superior BLTs.

1.  Thick Slices of Ripe Tomatoes

We got our tomato from our garden.  We were very patient and waited till it was perfectly ripe to pick it.  It was our inspiration.   To prepare the tomato, simply cut out the core, cut off either end a 1/4 inch in, and slice very thick slices from the rest of the tomato.   Add a little salt to the tomato to make sure its flavor shines through.
2.  Thick Sliced Bacon (you will never feel the same about wimpy, thin bacon ever again)
Cook the bacon on low to get it nice and crispy.  It takes a little extra time, but I find crispy bacon is worth the wait.
3.  Mayonnaise, and Plenty of It
To make the mayonnaise, take one egg and combine it in a blender with a teaspoon or two of Dijon mustard and a teaspoon of lemon juice.  Add a little salt and anything else you may want (garlic, anchovies, hot pepper flakes etc.).  Turn on the blender and add a cup of olive oil in a drizzle as the machine blends to let the oil and other ingredients emulsify and get thick.  Taste for seasoning, and add more salt as needed.
4.  Lettuce.  We didn’t really use “L,” or “lettuce” for our BLT, since we didn’t have any.  Instead we substituted shredded cabbage.  It worked well, and provided a nice crunch.
5.  Bread.  Last step was the bread.  I sliced pieces from a baguette at an angle, rubbed them with some garlic, a little olive oil, a little salt and pepper, and grilled them on a grill pan.
The finished product open faced:
And closed:
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Categories Sustenance, Uncategorized

Part VI — Spit Roasting a Suckling Pig Post-Mortem

By rcoomber
July 21, 2011 //
7

This is the last in a series of posts.  It was preceded by Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, and Part V.

What did we learn from spit roasting our first suckling pig?

  1. Buy a quality spit and motor.  Make sure that the spit you buy can handle twice the weight of the pig you purchase.  If your pig weighs 20 pounds, your spit should be able to handle at least 4o pounds.  Or else it will fail.
  2. Order your pig early.  It is not easy to find a suckling pig these days.  Even if you find a consistent purveyor of suckling pigs, they can often take weeks to deliver.  Order at least a month in advance.
  3. Brine your pig.   I found it gave the pig excellent flavor, and helped to season the entirety of the pig — especially the thicker pieces of meat, and those that were hard to get to, or covered in thick skin, like the ribs.   Brine it the night before.
  4. Build a good fire with solid coals.  Give yourself plenty of time –maybe 2 hours — just to build your fire.  You want to have two sections:  a section that burns hot and created coals and flames, and section with just coals over which you cook the pig at about 250-275.
  5. Stuff your pig with aromatics, hold the stuffing in with bread, and tie it with butcher’s twine soaked in water.  Choose a theme (I went with French country) and add aromatic herbs, vegetables, and maybe some citrus or other acidic item so that the flavors perforate all the meat (I ended up using thyme, sage, lavender, lemon, and garlic, though I forgot the lavender and garlic).  Also, buy a loaf of bread to stuff in last to hold everything else in.  The bread will also toast nicely, and absorb delicious juices.
  6. Center the weight of your pig on the spit.  This may take a few tries, but make sure you get that sucker centered, or it will rotate too fast and too slow, alternately.  Or you get a robust spit motor, and it won’t care (See #1).
  7. Don’t panic.  In all likelihood, something will go wrong.  Don’t panic.  Remember, even if you drop it in the fire (which we did) you don’t eat the skin anyway.  Plus, if everything goes wrong, you can always  stick the sucker in the oven.  If it won’t fit, cut it up and stick it in the oven.
  8. Be patient.  This will take a while (at least 5 hours) so give yourself plenty of time.  I would even suggest cooking it to 200 degrees so it’s fall off the bone, or to 150 so that it’s at medium (the temperature of the meat will raise an additional 10 degrees once you remove it from the fire, so it will end up at 160.  We cooked it to 175, as some recipes suggested.  This left the meat in the after-medium zone where it is tough, not as flavorful, and not cooked enough to be fall-off -bone tender.
Keep the dogs away from the ingredients.
Ingredients:
  1. A suckling pig, 10-20 pounds
  2. A quality spit with a good, plug-in motor
  3. Plenty of butchers twine, soaked in water
  4. 20-80 pounds of coals — I would buy at least 60 to be safe, but you can also use wood
  5. Oven thermometer
  6. Small boning knife to butcher the pig
  7. Quality rubber gloves to remove the pig from the spit
  8. Large cutting board
  9. Lots o’ salt
  10. Fresh herbs
  11. Appropriate veggies
  12. Citrus or other fruit
  13. Stuff for a sauce
Ultimately, it’s a wonderful male-bonding experience, even if you completely alienate your wives.
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